This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the HelpDesk employee was fired; however, he/she is allegedly currently suing the Word Perfect organization for termination without cause. Actual dialogue of a former Word Perfect Customer Support employee:
Ridge hall computer assistance; may I help you?
Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word Perfect.
What sort of trouble?
Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.
Went away?
They disappeared.
Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Nothing.
Nothing?
It's blank; it wont accept anything when I type
Are you still in Word Perfect, or did you get out?
How do I tell?
Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
What's a see-prompt?
Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?
There isnt any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
Does your monitor have a power indicator
What's a monitor?
Its the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you that its on?
I don't know.
Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Yes, I think so.
Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if its plugged into the wall.
Yes, it is.
When you where behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
No.
Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Okay here it is.
Follow it for me, and tell me if its plugged securely into the back of your computer.
I cant reach.
Well, can you see if it is?
No.
Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark.
Dark?
Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. Well, turn on the office light then.
I can't.
No? Why not?
Because there's a power failure.
A power... a power failure? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packaging stuff your computer came in?
Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store where you bought it from.
Really? Is it that bad?
Yes Im afraid it is
Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
Tell them that your too f***ing stupid to own a computer."
Strangely enough when I was working on the helpdesk we had a call of a very similar nature. Power outage in a building and a guy phoned up to complain that the router was down. Well Duh!
The one that takes the biscuit though was the guy that phoned up and said that his screwdriver was too big to unscrew the screws in the case. The guy on the helpdesk said try a smaller screwdriver, to which the guy replied ahh thanks that works!!!
I was a WordPerfect support operative too, this was one of those stories that soon crop up when you worked there.
Boot was on the other when midway through a WP5.1DOS call, all OUR power goes out and I'm talking the customer through some configuration settings in the menu system, about 4 layers deep with heavy reliance on ALT/CTRL combos.
Got the geezer straightened out and working after a few minutes, then they asked about all the beeping in the background. I said it was the power coming back on after a 10 minutes cut. They ask how did I step through the arduous WP menus with no PC to guide them.
Fortunately, for them, my memory isn't volatile.
arnt people as thick as s**t...
I had a woman in pontefract ring me @ 4:30 bear in mind i knock off @5...
"My alarm is faulty"
"wots the problem?"
"the smoke detector in kitchen keeps bleepin"
"thats not possible if your smoke detector is connected to your alarm system it wont bleep cos it dont need bateries"
"well it is"
"are u sure"
"yes"
"posssitive"
gettin kind of narked "yes it deffinatley is and wot ru gunna do about it"
"r u sure u havent got any old battery operated 1's any were?"
"YES IAM SURE"
"ok ok iam on my way"
hour and half l8r
got to the biatches house went into kitchen knowing full well there aint gunna be a fault and waited..............................................................................................
.............waited........BLEEP............
opened the kitchen utensil draw and there it was ..an old smoke alarm ..battery gettin low.........wot a dum cow...still it cost her £60 to find out how stupid she was