A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for £50," the clerk says. "£50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog."
"Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs."
The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is sceptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing she won't be bothered by her husband that night.
She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks.
"What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!"
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye.
He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"
So the guy tells him: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh." "She socked me one."
The first guy responded, "Mine was a tongue twister too."
"I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy bitch.''
A little girl asked her Mum
"Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mum replies, "No, because she is on heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says
"Dad, may I take Suzy for a walk around the block?
I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on heat, and to
come to you."
Dad said, "Bring the Suzy over here."
He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Suzy on the leash and only go once around the block."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Suzy?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up
leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around
his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet
cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf just above the floor, cuddly
medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on a
shelf along the top of the wall
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy
bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention
this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She
turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and
make hot steamy love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying
there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling,
"Well, how was it?"
The guy says:
(scroll down it's a beauty)
"Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf.