Subject: Periodic Table of Elements Addition

[Dingo]

ELEMENT: Woman

SYMBOL: wo

DISCOVERER: Adam

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6 kg but known to vary from 40-200 kg

OCCURRENCES: Copious specimens in all populated areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered by a painted film

2. Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason

3. Melts if given special treatment

4. Bitter if incorrectly used

5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore

6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances

3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning or apparent reason

4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly when saturated

with alcohol

5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental

2. Can be great aid to relaxation

3. Civilizing effect on bachelor environments

4. Distribution of wealth

TESTS:

1. Unadorned specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state

2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands

2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained

at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact

with each other.