Tax collector with a sense of humour

[Gh0st Face Killah]

Taken from the Guardian, an actual letter sent by the Inland Revenue:
 
Dear Mr Addison,
 
I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt
reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the
points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I
must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging
letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax
demand". This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons
of accuracy; traditionally referred to such documents.
 
Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of
crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox
on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not
seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest
that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses
and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file
them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little
ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that
the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come
to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of
Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep
of the nation as a whole.
 
Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of
truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the
canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a
moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion
that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole
damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's
disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in
fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent
on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst
far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example,
"that box-ticking façade of a university system."
 
A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do
with the vagaries of the postal system; 2. You can rest assured that
"sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never
been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance
didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would
make it financially unviable.
 
I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way
wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point
out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and
go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.
 
Please forward it by Friday.
 
Yours Sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations

[delanvital]

:lmfao: Where did you find it?

[Gh0st Face Killah]

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