What do you do when a guy just..??

[Nefertem]

About a week ago I was to my cousins wedding.. Its was all nice and pretty etc.. Ofc my cousins cousin (not sure what the english word for that is - but he isn't my direct counsin, just her counsin) was there with his family to celebrate.. Ill call him Rob from now on to make it easier..
During the night Rob's older brother and his wife and Rob's older sister (pregnant in 7th month) and her husband all drove home together..

About 20 kilometers from their home they were hit head-on by a ghostdriver (danish term for people driving in the wrong lane - not sure about the english) on the highway..
Apparently he was very drunk and had in some way managed to drive 18 kilometers in the wrong direction on the highway..
Both siblings and their spouses died, 3 at the scene and one at the hospital..
Horrific accident, leaving two small boys without parents and Rob lost both siblings, making him the only one left..

Now I only know Rob from that family, and I only meet him at weddings and other big family events, so I wouldn't say Im very emotional affected, other than that I ofc feel very sorry for Rob, his parents and the close family for their loss..

As most people concentrate on mourning the dead, my mother has asked me to get in touch with Rob over messenger to show him my support as he needs it..

But.. what do one say? I mean.. Im a distant relative, and personally Id say giving my condolences and support over messenger seems a bit weird and even cold?
And that is why I made this post.. What do I say? And would it even be right to do this on messenger? I feel rather akward about it..

Its also the first time in my entire life (since the baby years anyways) I've experinced a loss within my family..

:help:

[delanvital]

I think I heard about that one in the news. And I remember the picture of the cars.

It all depends on how related you are, but basically, imho, it is was me, i would appreciate the thought of relatives. But don't do it over MSN. At least give him a call or best of all, drop by and help him keep his mind of the sad thoughts for a few hours. You simply dont go wrong with dropping by in person imho. Hope it helps. Ofc some people just want to be left alone, so don't intrude, but i would drop by and sense the mood.

[DuVeL]

I'd suggest a phonecall also first.
Only from people I'd know maybe better who couldn't attend the funeral or such I'd expect something else (probably an email first or such, then MSN).
 
Still, my condolences...

[Nefertem]

yea it was all over the news for a few days..

And yea, what I think aswell.. Messenger just seems wrong, even though his a distant relative.. He lives a tad to far away for me to just stop by and see how his doing, but Ill try and give him a call one of the days..

[Blunt]

I'm sure that Rob would appreciate any kind of support you could give him at the moment.

Don't worry about it, just get in touch.

from my experience with grief, I would say that the feeling of detatchment from the rest of the world is really freaky and strange, and I know that people are reluctant to make contact with you through feeling "embarassed" or awkward.

just do it, I'm 100% sure he will appreciate it.

Please pass on my condolences aswell.

[suicidal_monkey]

Sorry mate, not good.

I think Blunt's got it about right. Just get in touch.

[Bastet]

my condolences neffles, other then that i can only echo the rest of the lads here, there advice is solid.

[TeaLeaf]

Aye, wot they said.  MSN is wrong, a phone call or a card even - sometimes snail mail is better.

TL.

[Coaxafkone]

Heart Felt Condolences,

I never found it easy having to give comfort to somebody who has lost such a large part of their life, tbh I was generally lost for words. A few years back my cousin was killed in a car accident in the US due to another drunk driver hitting his car. Eventhough I had not spoken to this cousin in while I still had very close contact with his family, along with my parents. When we went to visit them, the mother was so appreciative of the support, even though we had not seem them for a few years, (only kept in touch via e-mail, and phone), so I agree with Blunt, I think that during a time like this people will always respect someone coming forward and talking to them, making sure they are ok.

But I suppose If they are a distant relation then an E-Mail would be my choice to make first contact.

[Penfold]

Really sorry to hear that.

I think a non-virtual message - card or similar would be the best way to convey your condolences.

:sad:

PEN

[Gorion]

condolences mate
 
fist of all, how old is rob? if hese still a kid you might try to take a day or two leave and keeping company taking him to see spider man 3 or something like that, if helps if he doesnt feel alone
 
 
if hese a grownup 16+, well it can be tricky but showing respect and sorry for his loss really helps, but so does talking to him openly so he can start moving on, helping him organise/doing some stuff would most probably be really apreceated (and take off your piercing while youre at it, shows signs of respect (in my pov))
 
try to show up at his doorstep unnanounced bdw
 
if you need anymore help just /w ingame, ime sure we can come up with something