big brother

[sheepy]

Big Brother - 30 Days, 6 People (1 gay), 10 cans of Special Brew, ONE WINNER - £70K

Day 1 - tutonic admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of smite's mrs. He says she looks like a lesbian and has pussy that looks like a dried up prune. As it turns out, fatbob's missus is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although smite.thee later admits that he has shagged a guy before in a bus shelter.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. secret squirrel creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. frenzy's miss hits him with a spatula.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of big ben out of pork scratchings. After much persuasion by secret squirrel, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the big ben task is well under way. However havoc ensues when smite.thee, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat cunt in the house, eats half the pork scratchings. frenzy's miss is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the big ben task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when smite.thee farts and blows big ben over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. smite's mrs cries.

6 - secret squirrel decides to shag one of the Big Brother chickens. Later on secret squirrel tells tutonic that it was the best shag of his life, in fact the only shag of his life.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many Vodka and Tizers, smite's mrs admits that she likes to be spanked on the TANGO with a spatula. tutonic says he never wears condoms because they make his naughty bits sore and secret squirrel agrees. fatbob's missus goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. smite.thee sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up secret squirrel.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. tutonic goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. frenzy's miss and smite's mrs are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for tutonic.

9 - frenzy's miss and smite's mrs are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. fatbob's missus sings them a song - the national anthem - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote smite's mrs out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. smite's mrs leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with smite's mrs's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. fatbob's missus has to make do without the cucumber she requested. frenzy's miss is visibly depressed and is comforted by secret squirrel, who touches her on her rude bits.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of secret squirrel touching frenzy's miss's rude bits over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that smite.thee refuses to run because his naughty bits hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. smite.thee finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. frenzy's miss calls smite.thee a lazy twat.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. tutonic tells everyone individually that he thinks frenzy's miss is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. frenzy's miss and secret squirrel are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for tutonic.

16 - The nominations are announced. frenzy's miss can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. secret squirrel is equally stunned and turns to frenzy's miss for comfort. smite.thee is distraught and confesses to fatbob's missus that he thinks he is in love with secret squirrel. fatbob's missus says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know, besides, fish tastes nicer than beef.

17 - The public vote secret squirrel out of the house. frenzy's miss says she is gutted and even gives secret squirrel a clipping of hair from her rude bits to prove how much she cares. smite.thee is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. secret squirrel leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of frenzy's miss clipping the hair from her rude bits. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of pensilvania in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of pensilvania sounds like but smite.thee says it's a bit like Too Shy from Kagagoogoo. The housemates choose tutonic as the one who must complete the task.

21 - tutonic successfully burps not only the National Anthem of pensilvania but also God Save The Queen, the national anthem and the theme tune to blackadder. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and tutonic tells everyone that he has a Villa in Croatia and they can all come and stay for a holiday. smite.thee and fatbob's missus are nominated.

23 - smite.thee and fatbob's missus take their nominations well and sit down with tutonic and frenzy's miss to discuss why they voted for them. tutonic keeps quiet but frenzy's miss accuses smite.thee of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred naughty bits before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote fatbob's missus out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. fatbob's missus leaves.

25 - tutonic becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of tutonic's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of zebra shit using only a spatula. tutonic is unsure but smite.thee is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, smite.thee breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He says it is because he just can't wait to get back on his computer so he can check out //www.mateinastate.com and have a real laugh at the coolest web site on the planet. frenzy's miss tries to persuade him to stay but tutonic sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. smite.thee decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the zebra shit task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by frenzy's miss from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. tutonic asks frenzy's miss to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly tutonic nominates frenzy's miss to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does frenzy's miss.

30 - When the nomination is announced, frenzy's miss graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that tutonic is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. tutonic takes his £70,000, takes out a tenner and lobs it at a woman in a wheelchair and then runs away to pensilvania. Nobody, including frenzy's miss, ever sees him again.

[Stryker]

that deserves 10 out of 10 just for effort  :lol:

[sheepy]

ty but i didnt type it all, i just had 2 put in the names and a few items and the generator did it 4 me.

[smite]

Bastard :x  :x  :twisted:

[Doorman]

I couldn't bring myself to wade through all that, just as I couldn't bring myself to watch Big brother. So I wouldn't have got the joke if I had waded throught all that.....if you see what I mean. Sorry.

[sheepy]

as long as u have a vague idea what big bro is about u will understand.

i never watched big brother, all the back ground u need is
ppl locked in house, have 2 do weekly taskes 4 money, sum 1 gets kicked out each week