Stupid People

[Gh0st Face Killah]

STUPID PEOPLE by George Carlin
 
   Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid".
   That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them
   anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't
   see your sign."
 
   It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and
   there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and
   says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or
   twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
 
   A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled
   his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and
   his idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope -
   talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
 
   I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel.
   There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one
   way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks
   good. They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us
   if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign.
   I don't wanna lose it"
 
   Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those
   side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my
   truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't
   resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three
   just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."
 
   We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to
   the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back
   to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the
   exhaust pipe, then goes, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been
   wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
 
   I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya
   know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I
   couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and
   eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through
   his basic questioning...ok...no problem. I thought sure he was clear
   of needing a sign...until he asked "So...is your truck stuck?" I
   couldn't help myself! I looked at him looked back at the rig and
   then back to him and said "no I'm delivering' a bridge...here's your
   sign."

[Anonymous]

:lmfao:

I liked those. Excellent!