Broken english

[Nefertem]

Got this mailed to me by a co-worker today.. I've translated the norwegian parts (and hope it won't add to the post :sideways:) and added some explanations as it might not be that easily understood if you don't know the scandinavian language

From the book "BROKEN ENGLISH spoken perfectly" by StewartClark

«I am in the beginning of my period...» (newly elected female politician) (the time a politician is in the parlement is called a 'periode' in norwegian/danish)


«I am a man who likes to have my balls in the air.» (Swedish
buissnessman)


«Thank you for the mess» (Norwegian Prime Minister Kjell Magne Bondevik after  a service (church thingy - called a 'messe' in scandinavian) in Brasil)


«I just want to lie down on the coach» (Tired swedish female football-player)


«But didn't you have pigs in your decks?» (Programleader Odd Grythe, to an  american guest who complained about about slippery roads) (in norway (among other countries) ppl have small spikes in the tires during the winter to increase grib)


«I thank you for giving my wife and me the clap. I thank you from the  heart of my bottom.» (French-canadian politician to audiance after a warm applause)


«In case of emergency, the lifeguard are under the seat.» (ship, Puerto Rico)


A norwigian entered a cab in London. He was short on cash and asked: «Do you take VISA? I'm black, you see.» When he realised the driver was black, he tried to explain: «You see,  in Norway we call poor people black.»


«We take your bags and send them in all directions.» (Danish airline company)


«Dear friends, we are the same as before, although we have lost our  pricks.» (When Götabanken (a bank, duh) changed to Gota Bank)


«Excuse me, what is the fart limit?» (Swedish driver who was pulled over by english police) (speed in scandinavian = fart)


A scandinavian au pair in USA is the maker of this:
The father in the house: «Do you want to use the rest room before we drive cross  State?» Au pair: «No, i can do it in the car.»


Norwegian tourist, hurries into the driverseat of a London-cab: "Oh I'm  sorry, You see in Norway the rat is on the other side" (steeringwheel in scandinavian = rat)


"I screw tanks" - female tank-mechanic to american guests


"It's snowing a lot, look there is fokksnow" - norwigian officer to  british guests (I actually don't know what fokksnow is - norwegian expression of some sort)


"Where is your chef?" norwegian soldiers asks for the chief/leader (not the chef) (chef = chief/leader in scandinavian)


"In Norway we have pigs in our tires" - norwegian officer explains the faenomenon 'spike-tires' to a canadian mayor.


A norwegian colonel, together with his assistent("ass." i  military-slang), presents himself to foreign colleages... "Hello I'm  colonel NN and this is my ass..."

[Dr Sadako]

Nice find. I have a few more
 
"The food was great. Give my compliments to the cock!" (Kock in Swedish is chef). My relatives said that on vacation in London.
 
Friend of mine on a schooltrip to London tried entering a pub being at age 15 (looking like he was 12) said "I am fifteen! Don't you believe me? Do you want to see my leg!" "Leg" in swedish is short for legitimation i.e. ID card.

[DuVeL]

Nicely lost in translation. :lmfao:
Makes me thinking about that movie that was posted once on the forum about a sinking ship...

[Nefertem]

"SOS, SOS, we're sinking, we're sinking'

"What are you thinking about?'

:doh:

[DuVeL]

"SOS, SOS, we're sinking, we're sinking'
 
"What are you thinking about?'
 
:doh:

Yeah, that was the one! I think Doorman posted it a while back but I can't find it anymore on the forum.

[Nefertem]

I think it was posted again not that long ago, but can't remember who.. was a comercial for a language school..

[Bob]

"It's snowing a lot, look there is fokksnow" - norwigian officer to  british guests (I actually don't know what fokksnow is - norwegian expression of some sort)

'Snøfokk' (where 'snø' = 'snow') is the norwegian word for 'drifting snow' (at least the translation Clue gives me) - and it can also be added that the way we pronounce 'fokk', is exactly the same way the f-word is pronounced in english :flirty:

«In case of emergency, the lifeguard are under the seat.» (ship, Puerto Rico)

That could be a handy thing to have :roflmao:

[Bastet]

:narnar: hehe, theres like so many of these examples out there, japanese tend to be good at english too

[delanvital]

Speed in danish is fart... so the classical joke is when a dane is pulled over he would go "I am sorry officer, was I farting?" etc.