New heightened global security levels

[faust82]

The  English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats  and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon,  though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even  "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz  in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been  re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the  British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great  fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pi**ed  Off" to "Let's get the Ba*tards" They don't have any other levels. This  is the reason they have  been used on the frontline in the British army  for the last 300 years.

The French government announced  yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to  "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are  "Collaborate" and  "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed  France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's  military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a  heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from  "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more  levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The  Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to  "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs."  They also have two higher  levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other  hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried  about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all  excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  These beautifully  designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a  really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

New  Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".   Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of  spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in  the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of  escalation, which is "S**it, I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia  , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll  be alright, mate". Two more escalation levels remain, "Crikey! I think  we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is  cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final  escalation level.

[TeaLeaf]

Has tears of laughter in my eyes by paragraph three, brilliant!  :roflmao:

[Chaosphere]

Fantastic faust. Posting right to facebook...

[Sithvid]

Made me smile


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk