THe Gary Neville Diaries

[Benny]

The Gary Neville Diaries.
 
Friday
 
Put the cones out for Sir today and he glanced at me. Made me feel
 special.    He never looks at Phil like that. Told Mum and she said I have to
 share but    that's not fair because I got to the cones first. Moustache looks a
 bit thicker today.
 
 
Saturday
 
 Won today but I didn't play :-( Watched MUTV all night to see
 whether Sir said he missed me. Am sure they edited it out. Hung out with Rio
 until he told me to 'go away innit'. Will tell Sir tomorrow. Deffo not a
 penalty today - gave that girl Boa Morte a nasty stare after the game to let
 him know that I know. Man in wheelchair laughed at my moustache. Cried
 myself to   sleep.
 
 
Sunday
 
Took Sir an apple. But Weasley :-) gave him a bottle of red wine so
 he'll probably play on Tuesday. Creep. Went to Mum's for dinner but she
 tried to make me eat sprouts and then laughed when I banged my fists on the
 kitchen lino. She won't laugh again. Read Sir's book in bed. Coloured in
 moustache  with marker. Looks manly.
 
 
Monday
 
Rained at training. Marker wasn't permanent.
 
 
Tuesday (early)
 
Playing tonight so was definitely worth washing bibs for Sir. Looked
 at  papers and I was in them again! Will put in scrapbook. So glad I
 said Porto don't act like men. Am really getting good at this mind games
 business.
 Photo on back of The Sun made my moustache look thin but Mum says
 it's just    the ink. She says I look handsome.
 
 
 Tuesday (late)
 
Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. It was a goal and we should of won and
 Someone pushed me and someone tried to hurt Ronaldo and the girls dived on
 the floor    and the referee blew the whistle before we could score and they
 celebrated in front of OUR fans and that made me so angry but I had to go and  tell the TV that they deserved it (they didn't and I had my fingers crossed.  Ha!).
 It's just not fair because we're the best team in the whole wide  world.
 Have given Philip a Chinese burn for that free-kick and told Sir to
 sell him.
 
 
 Wednesday

Sir not happy today. He didn't even cheer up when I gave him my
 drawing.
 Wonder if he'll put it on his fridge with the others? Saw a small
 Boy laughing at me so held him down until he said that Manchester United
 were the best team in the whole wide world. Feel better now. Bought some
 Re-Gane and put on top lip. Can't wait until the morning to see my bushy,
 manly 'tache.
 
 
Thursday
 
Phoned David to ask him to ask Elton about hair transplants. He said
he was, "too busy preparing for the quarter-finals of the Champions League".
Am going to tell Sir and then I'm going to fly to Spain and then hold
him down until he says that Manchester United are the best team in the whole
wide world. And I'm going to take back the Man United sovereign ring I
sent him for Christmas.
 
    Update: Mum says I can't go to Spain.