Monday jokes to brighten your day!!

[Gh0st Face Killah]

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh
blood & parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty
soon all the other bats smelt the blood & began hassling him about where
he got it.

He told them to piss off & let him get some sleep, but they persisted
until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me", he said & flew out of the cave
with hundreds of excited bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went across a river & into a huge forest.
Finally he slowed down & all other bats excitedly milled around him,
tongues hanging out for blood.

"Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked. "YES, YES, YES!!!"
the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good!" said the first bat, "Because I f*cking didn't!"


A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."