Understanding Engineers

[Bob]

It takes one to know one, they say - I found 'em all quite funny :lmfao:
So here goes:


Understanding Engineers - Take One:

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, Minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


Understanding Engineers - Take Two:

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers - Take Three:

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a Particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept Golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with Him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Four:

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets


Understanding Engineers - Take Five:

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
Graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
Graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The
Graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Six:

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last
one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Seven:

Normal people believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.



TOP TEN REASONS TO DATE AN ENGINEER:

10. The world does revolve around us...We pick the coordinate system
9. Find out what those other buttons on your calculator do
8. We know how to handle stress and strain in our relationships
7. Parents will approve
6. Help with your math homework
5. Can calculate head pressure
4. Looks good on a resume
3. Free Body Diagrams
2. High starting salary
1. Extremely good looking (Of Course!!)


TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO DATE AN ENGINEER:

10. T-shirt and jean are their formal dress. Hot dog and a 6-pack is
their seven course meal.
9. The only social life known of is to post and talk on the net
8. Flames like a monster and speaks like a pussy cat.
7. Works from 6:30 am to 7:30 pm, daily. No morning kisses and no
evening walks.
6. No matter how hard you cry and how loud you yell, he just sits there
calmly and discussing your emotion in terms of mathematical logic.
5. Listens to classic rock only. Hates everything from Bach to Prince.
4. Touches his car more than you.
3. Talk in acronym.
2. Can't leave that damn pencil off his ear for a minute.
1. Will file a divorce if you call him in the middle of debugging.

Disclaimer: I unscrupulous stole this from a discussion bord in the group of my university at Facebook (clickey, for those of you have have an account).
No, I'm not proud at all to be in the big, black hole called Facebook, but I was recently forced in there, after massive group pressure from current and former class mates :sideways:

[Bastet]

Well worth the pains though, some darn good ones in there :roflmao:

[T e c h N i c a l]

Understanding Engineers - Take Two:

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers - Take Four:

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets

 Those are my two favourites ^^. Comedy Incarnated.:roflmao:

[sulky_uk]

sometimes its good to be an engineer:narnar:
 
i get to go to really hot and exotic places
 
iraq, afganistan, bosnia, kosevo...............

[Penfold]

That reminds me of this one

ENGINEERS VS MANAGEMENT
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost.  He   reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,   "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago,   but I don't know where I am."  
     

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon   hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.  You're between 40 and 41 degrees   north latitude and between 59 and 6 degrees west longitude."


 
   "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

 
   "I am," replied the woman, "How did you   know?"


 
      "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything   you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information,   and the fact is I'm still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,   you've delayed my trip."


 
      The woman below responded, "You must be in   management."


 
   "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did   you know?"


 
   "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where   you are or where you're going.  You have risen to where you are due to a large   quantity of hot air.  You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you   expect people beneath you to solve your problems.  The fact is you are in exactly the   same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."


:norty:

[Bob]

Love the punchline Pen :roflmao:
Definitely gonna keep that - could come in handy later :norty:

[T e c h N i c a l]

Nice one Pen xD.

[Bk]

Take 3, take 5 and Pen's win imo. All funny tho :lmfao: