Blaine Vs Sausages

[Gh0st Face Killah]

EXCLUSIVE: THE GAY SAUSAGES VERSUS DAVID BLAINE

By Log


I'm not an original man. I'd like to think that everyone's first thought when humourless slopey-faced idiot David Blaine shut himself in a box is - 'I really should throw something at that'. And what would any right-thinking Brit throw at a sombre, drawling Johnny Foreigner hovering above the Thames? Well, nothing's more whimsical and British than a sausage; except perhaps Hinge and Brackett.

So, I invited a few friends from the OUTintheUK website along to an afternoon of banger wanging. And when this proved a popular idea, I thought I'd write a letter to the London Metro inviting the rest of London. As a joke, you know.

It perhaps wasn't terribly well thought out. What with David Blaine being Jewish, and sausages generally being made out of pork. But, accidental gestures of mass anti-Semitism aside, the day promised to be fun.

The letter in the Metro was printed, and reported that night on Liquid News. Meanwhile, the Pink Paper reported the event from OUTintheUK (they're both gaymo creatures, if you hadn't guessed), referring to me as a gay prankster. If I ever join the Wu-Tang Clan, that's my name. Tha Gay Pranksta. You can't have it.

Seeing the opportunity to promote his website as 'not just another sex-obsessed chat-room', the owner of OUTintheUK took out a full-page advert in QX (more gay stuff, I'm afraid). Oh, and then The Sun reported it with the joyous headline 'GAYS LAUNCH SAUSAGE BLITZ. By this stage of distortion, there was to be a procession of hundreds (The Times) to thousands (The Sun) of gay men, all hoping to convert Blaine to sodomy with our sausages
(The Express and Star, a black country local).

This is approximately the time I shat myself.

Then the Metropolitan Police got in touch and said they were treating the situation as a potential riot. They said they thought it was a funny idea, but pointed out that they'd have to send down extra policemen - and (because it was an organised event) they'd have extended powers of stop and search and arrest. So in theory they could have arrested anyone at the scene who they reasonably suspected of being gay and concealing sausages...

So now we've been reduced to drifting a single chipolata past Blaine's box on a helium balloon, in a solemn and wholly appropriate tribute to the stuck-up old twat-end's endeavour. Then we're all going to get pissed. And probably have sex with each other. 'Cos that's what gay pranksters do.


http://www.disappointment.com

Fun Fact Sheet : http://www.disappointment.com/t12hing.gif

Letter in Metro : http://www.disappointment.com/blaine.jpg

Article in Pink Paper : http://www.disappointment.com/blainepp.jpg

Advert In QX : http://www.disappointment.com/blainead.jpg

Article in The Sun : http://www.disappointment.com/blainesun.jpg

Article in The Times : http://www.disappointment.com/blainetimes.jpg

[Doorman]

I'm bemused.

[OldBloke]

I'm amused.

Well actually I LOL'd.

[smilodon]

Who's Donald Brian again?

[Zok]

what a jolly jape

[TeaLeaf]

I'm going to donate a sausage sandwich at breakfast.  Now where's the missus.....?

TL.