At last the government is doing something positive

[Doorman]

  10 Downing  Street

 London
 SW1



 Dear people of the United  Kingdom

 Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown  of the
 economy, your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put  workers 50
 years of age and older on early retirement. This scheme will be  known as RAPE
 (Retire Aged People Early).

 Persons selected to be  RAPED can apply to the government to be eligible
  for the SHAFT scheme
  (Special Help After Forced  Termination).


 Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be  reviewed under the SCREW program
  (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).  
  A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and  SCREWED as many
 times as the government deems appropriate.

 Only  persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS
  (Additional Income for Dependants &  Spouse) or HERPES
  (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early  Severance).
 Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED  or SCREWED
 any further by the government.

 Persons who are not  RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much S.H.I.T
  (Special High Intensity Training) as  possible.
 The government has always prided itself in the amount of S.H.I.T it  gives out.
  Should you feel that you do not receive enough  S.H.I.T, please bring
 this to the attention of your local MP. They have been  trained to give you
 all the S.H.I.T you can  handle.

 Sincerely,

 Gordon Brown


It's nice that they care don'tcha think?

[T-Bag]

They've been pedalling out the Special High Intensity Training a lot recently. I see it's all part of a bigger plan now.