classic quotes. This is well WORTH a read

[Stryker]

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet."
Robin Williams

When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her
sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car.
Author Unknown

It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers

"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex
life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that
money can buy."
Steve Martin.

"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I
said,'that's a big word for a girl of fifteen'."
Emo Philips.

"My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects."
Les Dawson

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I
visited the Statue of Liberty."
Woody Allen

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five,
it's fantastic."
Woody Allen.

There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual
arousal,particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz
380L convertible."
Unknown

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and just give her a house."
Steven Seagal

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams

"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Marilyn Pittman

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
Paul Rodriguez

"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".
A Mum

General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he didn't think there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harboured and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America. His answer was classic;

Schwartzkopf said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function. Our
job is simply to arrange the meeting."

[Squonk]

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects."
Les Dawson

 some very true ones there  :lol:

[Doorman]

I don't know where you got that collection, but I'm sending it to all my friend.
Excellent!

[Gandalf]

I don't know where you got that collection, but I'm sending it to all my friend.
Excellent!

only one, huh?  :lol:

[Doorman]

Well spotted!

[Squonk]

only one, huh? :lol:

ill be your friend (just put the check in the post ) then you'll have two :lol:

[Doorman]

Winter's coming on and I don't need a lawnmower. Maybe in the spring.  

[Squonk]