Kent Earthquake Appeal

[Blunt]

 
 A major earthquake measuring 4.8 on  the Richter scale hit  Kent with its epicenter in Folkestone.
  Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly,  muttering  "Faaackinell".
  The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately  Â£30  worth of damage.
  Several priceless collections of mementos from  Majorca and  the Costa del Sol were damaged  beyond repair.
  Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.  Many  locals were woken well before their giros arrived.
Invicta FM reported  that  hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to  come  to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Folkestone.
  One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said,  "It  was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my  bedroom crying.
 My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through  it  all. I was
 still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next
 morning."
  Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected  and  carried on as normal.
  The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship  4,000  crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.  Rescue  workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large  quantities  of personal belongings,
 including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke  at  Argos and Bone China from  Poundland.
  HOW CAN YOU HELP?
  This appeal is to raise money for  food and clothing parcels  for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this  disaster.
Clothing is most sought after
- items most needed include:
   Fila or Burberry baseball caps
 Kappa tracksuit tops (his and  hers)
 Shell suits (female)
 White sport socks
 Rockport boots
 Any  other items usually sold in Primark.
 Food parcels may be harder to come by,  but are needed all  the same.
  Required foodstuffs include:
  Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of  White  Lightning
 or
 Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the  compensation  forms.
  £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
 Â£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of  those  affected.
  **Breaking news**
  Rescue workers found a girl in the  rubble smothered in  raspberry alco-pop.
 'Where are you bleeding from?' they  asked," CHERITON " said  the girl,
 "woss
 that gotta do wiv you?
  Please  don't forward this to anyone living in Kent- oh, sod  it, they won't
 be able to  read it, anyway.

[Bk]

I don't get it.:g:

[Doorman]

It's a Kent thing. @Blunt: Bet you were surprised to be able to use that eh?

[DuVeL]

I've been in Kent lol....For the rest English humor BK...

[Eternaluk]

Hahah, "Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," CHERITON " said the girl,
"woss
that gotta do wiv you?
"

[sulky_uk]

lol nice one:roflmao: :roflmao:

[Jewelz^]

<-- Lives in Kent
Lives nr Folkstone
Felt no earthquake
and whats wrong with our chips :norty:
 
p.s were not all chavs