Terror threat levels

[Nefertem]

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat level from "****ed Off" to "Let's get the *******s"
They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

The Canadian alert level has been raised from ââ,¬Å"Howââ,¬â,,¢s It goinââ,¬â,,¢ eh?ââ,¬Â to ââ,¬Å"Stock Up on Labattââ,¬â,,¢sââ,¬Â. This is the first time itââ,¬â,,¢s reached this level since the last time Quebec tried to separate. Canada has two higher levels ââ,¬Å"Make Sure the Subs are Ready in West Edmonton Mallââ,¬Â and ââ,¬Å"Pull the goalieââ,¬Â. The last time the highest level was reached was when Pierre Elliot Trudeau flipped somebody off in Vancouver.

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

And in the southern hemisphere...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a
squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more
level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled".
So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.....

[Luminance]

You forgot the Dutch!

[T-Bag]

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

[Bob]

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".

I'm not really sure I can sanitize it in any way, but that was just simply the best. GFs wondering why I'm rolling around the floor laughing... :roflmao:

[DannagE]

Brilliant!

[sulky_uk]

thx for that, it made a few of us military types in prison camp Stalag Falklands laugh