Piss-poor jokes only in here

[Coaxafkone]

A social misfit walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the Barman.

"Well I'll tell you," replies the ugly bloke, "you know I live by the
railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the
tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her
back to my place. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We
made love all night, all over the house. We did every thing, me on top
sometimes, her on top!"

"Fantastic," exclaimed the barman, "you lucky sod. Was she pretty?"

"I dunno" replied the bloke, "I never found her head."

Rabbi, a Protestant minister and a Catholic Priest were taking a party
 of kids on a cruise. Suddenly the ship hit a rock and began to sink.
 
 The Rabbi cried out: "Quick! The kids!"
 
 "F*%$ the kids!" said the minister, heading out.
 
 "Do you think we have time?" said the priest.

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver
won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replies,

"I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I
am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear
just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask
that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single
and #2 you must be a Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab
driver starts crying.

"My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm
married and a I'm a Baptist."

The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Fancy Dress party, and my name is Kevin."

These are just wrong :blink:

:roflmao:Worryingly enough, still tickled my funny bone. :roflmao:

[Benny]

Chelsea are sponsored by Viagra next year.

Hoping they'll be able to get past a semi.

[Luminance]

Did you know? they aren't going to grow bananas any longer...










cuz they're long enough already. :flirty:

[noevra]

omg... im ill... i laughed at your bad joke lumi.....:g:
 
hmmm mebay its time for the weekend to begin:rolleyes:

[Lee]

Worryingly i lolled at a few! :roflmao: Heres a classic bad one.

A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."


Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.


What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?
I didn't do it on porpoise.



A man walked into a pharmacy and up to the young lady pharmacist.

"Do you sell Viagra?", he enquires.

"Yes, we do." replies the pharmacist.

"Does it really work?", asks the man.

"Yes.", she answered.

"And can I get it over the counter?" he continues.

"Probably, if you took two of them!" replied the pharmacist.

:lmfao: